I used to be notorious for saying whatever came to my mind, and never considered where I was at the time. I could’ve been in church, in a meeting, in a class, a parent conference or even in a yoga class! I would find a way to “Namaste” my way into a mess and lay out whatever I felt I needed to express, and explode my negative energy all over the place….. My excuse, was my need to be 100% honest at all times with any and everyone under all conditions! (clearing my throat)
After decades of realizing this was complete self-sabotage, I discovered a more productive way of dealing with disapproving encounters. First question: Is this a outside job or inside? I quickly realized most of the annoyances “did not annoy me at all.” The truth is, I was unhappy internally with an underlined issue that was not being addressed. I was merely “avoiding the issue” by focusing on outside distractions.
Second question: Does this need to be shared with the person right now? This is the greatest life saver! It will save you tremendous time on apologies. Trust me If you have troubling news to share with someone, don’t text it or email it to them! Don’t even text a message saying “I need to talk to you tonight,” and that dreadful icon.
Your goal is to feel better, not to make others feel horrible. So, I created a file on my computer and smart phone called “Dumping Ground.” If and when something is bothering me, I type it and save it in this folder. I feel pounds lighter afterwards and no one is hurt!!!
The goal is to get it off my heart and mind and make space for new information. What I’ve found is later in the day, I’ve either completely forgotten about it or discussed it at a more appropriate time. Create a “Dumping Ground” file for yourself, and don’t use others as a “Dumping Ground,” because that’s what we do when we project our unhappiness on to them.
The truth is, if people feel attacked they won’t hear a word you say anyway……